Ayushalogue

Lady Luck

ayushrastogi — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 03:01:03 +0000

Change is the only thing that is certain in life, long time back I heard or read it I don’t remember. But, I do remember that I didn’t believe it then, for my life was a constant. Like a line with an HB pencil: straight, plain and without shades. Just a simple boring line.

I was getting up at 10:30 in the morning, working in office from 11:30 to 8, having lunch at 1:15, coffee at 4, popcorn at 6 and dinner back home at 8:30 while watching tv, talking long distance to Isha (my girl friend then, now fiancée) while walking in the balcony, convincing her that we would be together and getting tensed myself that how would we be, coming back to my messy room and studying for my examination till 4 in the morning, having cold drink and namkeen in between and finally, crashing to get up again at 10:30.

No change. No variable. Only constant.

And a few months earlier, I heard my mom saying something about Lady Luck which means a woman brings luck and changes your life but I didn’t believe that as well. Indian moms generally say this to get their 28 years old sons to get them married ;-)

Then one fine day I got engaged to Isha.

The very next morning, an email was waiting for me in my official mailbox to inform me that my very long-awaited US Visa has been processed successfully. My manager gave me an exciting news that I am hand-picked by the US manager to work with them in US for a few months. After a few weeks I flew to meet Isha and we had the best of the times. First time we met in zero-tension air with no discussion on our future, for we both knew it will be wonderful now. There was just happiness. Some weeks later, I got a mail from my US manager appreciating my work and in the same week I got a more-than-expected raise in my salary.

I bought a car and was enjoying driving. Every weekend I was out for shopping, both for my US trip and marriage. The same time which was running so slow had started flying. Isha came down to Bangalore over a weekend and we shopped for 25K in just two days and that only for me. And in my last week in India, I flew to Chennai for a night for Visa stamping, then flew to my home for two days for wedding dress shopping, and then flew back in a morning to catch the US flight the very same night. And, did all my packing in the middle of all this. The halted life earlier was on a rollercoaster then, and I was living the every bit of it.

Oh yes, now I believe Lady Luck is true and changes life without knocking - positively for me :-)

Does forgiveness help?

ayushrastogi — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 17:54:55 +0000

I have heard and read many wise people preaching forgiveness. They say forgiveness is not something we do for other people but we do it for ourselves – to get well and move on. They say forgiveness will shed the unwanted burden of hatred and unpleasant memories and make us feel light and free. Is it possible to forgive someone who had hurt you deep inside?

After being my close friend for four years and then my girl friend for two, she just left me one day by giving a vague reason. I tried convincing her a lot but she treated me like everything between us had never existed. All my efforts went in vain. Finally, I decided to let her go respectfully. She joined MBA school and later I would know that she got involved with a guy and later broke up with him as well.

Its been more than two years now and we haven’t spoken even once since then. She tried several times to contact me through emails and messages, seeking my forgiveness, stating that she is living in a guilt and wants to get free from it. I never replied. I never forgave. I drafted a forgiveness mail but something always stopped me from pressing the send button. I was enjoying her plea for forgiveness. It was giving me some weird happiness and a sense of importance. I used to plea exactly like that to convince her to come back. I was also enjoying my silence, which I realised was much more powerful than any of the words I would have spoken in response.

Today is her birthday. Just a few weeks back, through a common friend, I heard her engagement news – an arranged setting. Coincidently, I also got engaged around same time. But somehow today I am feeling to forgive her and let her go off her burden, if she is really carrying it. But would this forgiveness help me? Or would this forgiveness help her more than me?

I am in love with an amazing girl and going to get married to her soon. I am all well and have moved on completely. The pain was gone long back. Her absence is no more a void in my life. I don’t miss our pleasant times nor I got disturbed by the unpleasant ones. I am not living with any burden except some hatred for her, though I never even think about her. In fact, I feel that if I had forgiven her earlier, I might not have felt that weird happiness and that sense of importance which had somehow helped me move on. So, I don’t know how this forgiveness would help today. May be it would free me from that left hatred.

Well, I just pressed the send button!

Tagline and the biggest news

ayushrastogi — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 09:47:46 +0000

Since the birth of my blog, I’ve posted few of my stories, poems, portraits and sketches. I was admiring my blog today (ahh, I love to do so and feel contend to see the traffic increasing. This is the only traffic in entire world I love to see increasing ;-)) and suddenly I saw my blog’s tagline – ‘Just trying to word my world’. Obviously, that was not the first time I was seeing this tagline (after all its my blog and my tagline) but a thought crossed that does the content on my blog really goes along with this tagline? Though my blog represents a little personal and a little creative side of me, but still remains far from my actual world. So, the answer was No!

So, I should either change this tagline to something like ‘My creative shadow’ or ’Art I said’ or start wording my world to some extent (of course, to some extent. I can’t tell you all ;-)). I decided to go with the latter for two reasons. I feel to pen down some of the happenings in my life and share them with fellow bloggers and my readers. Second, I love my tagline and in no mood to change it yet! Ahh, ‘my world in ink and graphite’ just clicked me as a nice one. Well, might think later about it ;-)

So let me begin with sharing the biggest News: I am getting married in this December to the love of my life. Her name is Isha. We got engaged just a few days back after some struggling weeks, emotional moments and tough decisions, received a lot of lovely comments on Facebook, surprised a few of my friends (mostly females ;-)), still distributing Delhi sweets in my Bangalore office (my office people love sweets from North India) and last friday she flew down to Bangalore from Delhi to transform me into a crazy shopaholic for two days (and yeah, for her shopaholic is a small word ;-)). I am enjoying each and every bit of it and I know there is a lot more to come!!!

And hey, I just had Déjà vu while writing the title for this post. See, I felt to share this as well ;-)

Portraits and superstition!

ayushrastogi — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 07:40:38 +0000

She was my colleague and friend. I made her portrait around ten months back. She loved it. But gradually, some unsaid untold friction and we lost touch.

I now have a superstitious feeling that I might lose my female friends if
I make their portraits. I made of three and all three of them are not in my world anymore.

My girl says, ‘never made mine’!

The Morning and Myself

ayushrastogi — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 20:32:19 +0000

The Morning is His favorite child,
Magical to bring back
Life into action,
And gives me a reason to start
With all my hopes alive.

The dawn beats the darkness
With a single white ray,
As my heart kills any inside devil
With a pure thought
On my morning walk way.

In the presence of the Morning
Becomes clear and calm
Even the violent black sea,
My eyes adores His manifested creation
He has started filling colors again
Now I can see.

Dewdrops star on leaves
Clean breeze flows free,
Birds dance in the flock
And trees go on a swinging spree,
Just the expression is different
Actually Nature is smiling with me.

With the rising Morning
I Feel the warmth
The Sun reduces cold,
The evil thoughts are dead
Inside resides me again
My cleansed soul.

And in its freshness
Silence prevails
The peace transcends beyond,
My heart and mind are in sync
And I feel with myself
The supreme bond.

- Ayush

One of my friends just asked me to put my name with the poem, else few might wonder that the poem is copied. I took this as a huge compliment and here goes my name with the poem ;-) So, people this poem is whole and sole my creation and its copyrights stay with me!

Review – Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

ayushrastogi — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 22:03:32 +0000

While watching the trailers of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (ZNMD), somewhere I had this dormant feeling that it won’t turn out as good as it looks in the promos. I told this to my brother and cousin and they frowned, you know. But after watching it today with my cousin, I am disappointed to write that I am disappointed. Though, I may still be wrong. It might turn out as awesome as it could get.

ZNMD is Directed by Zoya Akhtar, the successful director of Luck By Chance, daughter of the legends Javed Akhtar and Shabana Azmi, and sister of talented Farhan Akhtar. It stars Hrithik Roshan, Abhay Deol, Farhan Akhtar, Katrina Kaif and Kalki Koechlin. The music is by Shankar Ehsaan Loy and it is shot at the various splendid locations in Spain. It can’t get bigger than it, right? By the trailers anyone could guess that the story revolves around three friends, which automatically raises the expectation further by connecting it to Dil Chahta Hai (DCH), her brother’s directorial debut. So, the frowning was justified, isn’t?

After getting engaged to Natasha (Kalki Koechlin), Kabir (Abhay Deol) wants to go on an extended bachelor party to Spain, a three-week road trip with Imraan (Farhan Ahktar) and Arjun (Hrithik Roshan), his two best friends. In this fantasy holiday they have a pact that one chooses any sport of his choice and the other two just have to do it with him. The purpose is to kill or at least face your fear. In a chance encounter they meet the gorgeous Laila (Katrina Kaif), who gradually falls in love with our hunkiest dude Arjun. Imraan – a hilarious flirt and a serious secret poet - is looking for some answers from his biological father, who lives in Spain. Imraan has never met him before. Kabir starts feeling dizzy about his marriage with Natasha, after suspicious Natasha surprises everyone by flying to Spain for a day to check Kabir. In between all this, the three have their ultimate sports as promised, overcome their fear and experience the magical moments. Towards the end, they also find answers to the problems they were dealing with.

This movie might get a mix response from both general audience and critics, and who knows it might become a huge hit. But personally it didn’t impress me. Though it’s a light-hearted watchable movie, I tag it as somewhere-interesting-somewhere-boring types. The movie is dull for the first 20 minutes, paces up when the road trip begins but has its highs and lows throughout, just as a road have. And, I don’t see anything in the movie worth watching again. In fact my movie-buff cousin, who loves to watch movies again and again, finds this just a one time watch.

I don’t know what could have made the movie better. I am no expert. May be a better direction or screen play could, but it undoubtedly could have been better. The movie is about three musketeers together on a road trip, and I expected a stong emotional bonding between them – strong enough to capture my senses. You know what I mean – when you fall in love with the characters and feel their emotions. You remember the emotions of friendship, anger, love shown in DCH. I didn’t feel any such thing in this movie. I wasn’t able to bring any character or scene or dialogue or song with me back home. Needless to say, the music is second rated, except Senorita.

But I won’t say it is not worth to watch this flick. You should watch it and it will make you fall in love with the scenic Spain – these guys went for a bachelor party trip, I might go for my honeymoon. The way the sports are shot will give you a feeling that you should try them too before dying. I will surely try underwater diving soon. I also want to experience the very famous Holi of Spain – La Tomatina festival – squashing and massaging tomatoes on my Laila and my friends. And the poetry that plays in the background in some scenes is outstanding – written by Javed Akhtar.

I also do have my take away from the movie: Live every day of your life as a holiday (don’t take it in a literally sense) and Face your Fears – you might also feel The Magic.

And by the way, I am saying it’s a one time watch, but I can watch it again – just for ravishing Katrina!

she, in my dreams

ayushrastogi — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 16:09:51 +0000

not the only beautiful in her gang of girls, she always stand apart
without even noticing me once, she makes me feel gaga
told my best friend that i am into her, are you nuts he replied
thats the magic, i see nothing in her front
and with my eyes open, I dream about her
but she never bothers, she has her own world

atleast mondays earlier were lively, in between chats she sent me songs
all days now are dull and boring, with no hiees no repsonse
dont know her work keeping her busy, or it is something else
whatever it is, makes me depress
my eyes awaits her message, heart for a special cord
but she never bothers, she has her own world

now i decided not to ping her, nor to even say hiee
not to look at her, even when i know she is there
sure my ignoring will go unnoticed, but i can do what else
still my heart skips a beat, when i have her glance
and funny still i wait near, for her to see me and smile
but she never bothers, she has her own world

i smile in my dreams, my brother tells me
even he knows, she daily comes over
in her floral pink dress, she sits beside me
looks deep in my eyes, with hers ocean blue
last night i remember she bent to kiss me, did she really
stop smiling in sleep, he mischievously woke me
i was still smiling, wishing my dream to come true
but she never bothers, she has her own world

i am happy with my dreams, atleast in them she is mine
she responds to me, laughs on my smile
wears my gifted dress, strolls at beach with me
she dines with me, with glass of champagne in her hand
and comes in my arms, loves me all night
she breathes for me, she lives for me
in dreams she bothers, in them she shares my world

Real beauty lies in the heart of the beholden…

ayushrastogi — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 13:32:47 +0000

Almost always, women come to mind, when you think about beauty. And because this ‘real beauty’ contest is organized by a beauty product company, Dove, which uses the most gorgeous women in the world for their advertisements, thinking about beauty apart from women is tough. And is this wrong? No! From the times in history, women have a responsibility or a burden to look beautiful, and the emphasis remains mostly on the physical beauty.

So let me also start explaining beauty in the context of a woman. I have heard many people saying real beauty is not about physical appearance, it is skin deep. I do agree but partially. I see a very gorgeous girl in a lounge, sitting alone taking a sip of her drink. She has big eyes, sharp features, cute smile, silky skin, milky complexion, perfect curves… I am just seeing her physical appearance but is she not a real beauty to me? Of course she is! She is real and she is beautiful. I may never talk to her, so I may never get to know what lies beneath her skin. She is a real beauty for me at least in that very moment. Maybe I go close to her and hear her saying over phone “My current boy friend is a bastard but filthy rich, so who cares!” Is she real beauty now? That’s the question!

Real beauty is what soothes you. A cold winter night might be a real beauty for a newly married couple in a cozy thick blanket in solitude but the same night is a nightmare for a poor watchman, wearing a worn jacket, guarding the same couple’s flat. So, is this beautiful night not a real beauty? It is!

So, this defines real beauty as something that appeals to self only. And this makes real beauty very personal. For, a mother will find her child a real beauty; a miner will find real beauty in exploring the caves. But this concept of real beauty is transient and will change as preferences or perception changes. Just as in my case, as my perception changed, the beauty of that girl changed. May be someone sitting in a corner still finding her real beautiful. But is she real beautiful? She is…may be for someone!

For me real beauty would be a helping hand, a genuine smile, self-contentment, an innocent glance, it’s something that can’t be seen from eyes but felt with the heart. Real beauty is living true to oneself… pure and free.

Real beauty can also be a real moment of joy, be it the sound and smell of first rain drops before it touches your clothes, be it a small kid smiling at you with no reason, be it a lonely girl sitting by the sea-shore and watching the sand with her big expressive eyes, be it a morning dew drops on grass…It is something that appeals to you and gives you a sweet spot of inner joy. For someone, waking up early in the morning and watching the sun rise is real beauty, for someone it is a tear dropping off your beloved’s eyes…

She loves someone unconditionally no matter how many times he has made her cry; no matter he doesn’t even care about her at all, no matter he is in relation with someone else, but she still wants to be around so that she could know that he is happy. She cares about him with her true self and will continue to do so. This is real beauty.

She dislikes her friend because that friend bitched about her on her back. Out of her momentarily anger she shouted on her friend. But then forgave her quickly and genuinely felt sorry inside her heart about that momentarily anger. This is real beauty.

She sacrificed her fully developed career and her mouth-watering salary to develop the careers of few unfortunate children. This is real beauty.

He lost all his loved ones one by one in accidents but whenever you meet him, he has a genuine smile on his face. He smiles genuinely. This is real beauty.

He lost all his life’s savings in his unfortunate abduction. His family was scared that he might lose his mental balance upon his return. He might change his morals and start taking commissions on referring his patients to other doctors to earn more money. But he didn’t alter his values a bit. He still treats many of his poor patients for free. This is real beauty.

I know all these people personally and closely. They see this world with a different perspective – happiness. They all live with a feeling of gratitude and try to spread happiness and in turn soothe most of the people around. They are real beautiful people. They know their true self and remain humble. They feel beautiful without even looking into the mirror. That’s real beauty. It is not to look beautiful but live this life beautifully.

A trite thing to say would be that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder but “real beauty lies in the heart of the beholden.”

I have written this post for Yahoo! India and Dove under the topic “What does real beauty mean to me?“

2010 in review

ayushrastogi — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 11:37:17 +0000

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,400 times in 2010. That’s about 8 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 21 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 18 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 3mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was June 18th with 138 views. The most popular post that day was My first crush.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were blog.blogadda.com, facebook.com, indiblogger.in, healthfitnesstherapy.com, and obama-scandal-exposed.co.cc.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for pencil sketching, pencil sketch, pencil sketch of boat, pencil sketching pictures, and indian pencil sketching.